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不一样的搞笑《天才也性感》
发布时间:2013/7/10  阅读次数:2433  字体大小: 【】 【】【
是一部以搞笑对白抓收视的室内情景喜剧。
角色设定:
全片都是极度单纯的学院环境下善良的人 绝无社会意义中的 坏人
角色之间总是在单纯的恶意整蛊(并非社会中利益之争、狭隘的恶意)
爱做实验却总是实验失败又想法天马行空的科学废柴
角色沉醉于动漫的虚拟世界
生活多彩内心善良的艺术系辣妹
身处校园方寸之间却心系外面世界的屌丝男教授
人物:废柴
          贱人
          游戏王子
          小辣椒
          怪教授

开场
画外音:我叫废柴,其实我并非废柴,我是我校的博士研究生,所谓站得越高人就越卑微,学得越多就越是觉得不够。取名叫废柴,只不过是勉励自己,
镜头前的这个坐得正经八百的人,也是个博士生,[镜头从电脑背面拍过来]大家别以为他在卖命研究什么大型课题,他只不过是在玩一个大型游戏罢了,但当你觉得他在玩游戏时,你又错了,因为另一台电脑才是他的武器,他是个文学大师,他在创作。至于他的最高成就,不外就是曾在厕所里得到灵感,写了一首诗,叫蚊子。诗名听起来就觉得发臭了,但当时在某某大赛里,竟然获得一等奖。还因此得了个蚊子诗人的称号,他本人也觉得不错,因为孔子,庄子,墨子等人也是有个子的,他是这样自我安慰的。但我们内部人士叫他游戏小王子,因为他玩游戏实在是比较牛。
(镜头聚焦)眼前的这个,人称贱人。至于是哪方面贱,当然不是因为长得贱,我们不是以貌取名的肤浅之辈。[这时镜头拍到他在伸舌头去舔一个只有半杯水里面的水],我想只有无言以对。因为当我们责怪他时,他总能用到非常专业的知识去解释。他肯定会说,根据生物家研究得出,蛇是利用舌尖两个分叉来决定前进的方向,虽然蛇的舌头上没有感知味道的味蕾,但它却有相当于味觉器官的作用,它的舌头要粘住一些它感兴趣的微粒送入口中,让口腔的上腭来分析这些微粒,以判断这是应该捕俘的猎物还是需要追求的配偶留下的痕迹,或者只是自己设置的路标。听了那么长一段专业的分析,你肯定会以为他是读生物学的,那你就错了,彻头彻尾地错了,他是研究哲学的。他说他哲学研究多了,缺乏方向感了,其实匀我们觉得他是迷失了。
(这时镜头转向路上行走的一个美女)哈哈,你现在所看到的这个背影是不是很美,你一定以为,是个美女,又或者你以为是个贝多芬!但我实在不好评价,不过,我可以给点意见的,美女通常都会在读初高中的时候,因为长得漂亮,经常要面对各种各样的男人的暗恋或明恋的争夺,所以多数美女都禁不住情窦初开时的诱惑而投降了,而能读到大学的,都是难得,何况她现在还是个研究生呢!不过你不得不承认,她的身材是一流的。完全是违反了胸大没脑的定律,我们专业的人称之为,大自然非惯性生长之特例!




内景    大学宿舍    夜景
废柴跟游戏王子在边玩游戏玩掰手腕!
                                   
                                    贱人
                             放倒他,游戏王子,你知道他很菜的!
                                    游戏王子
                             你没撤的了,废柴!     
                                       废柴
                             (很从容地)
                             Hey,guys,guys!    
这时候,小辣椒进来!
小辣椒
                             今晚要不要去酒吧喝几口啊!
                                       贱人
                             这个叫“Tresling” 它是将掰手腕的需要的力量与玩俄罗斯方块需要的头脑敏捷度高度结合的终极运动
                                       小辣椒
                              是,很棒!但美女们叫我过来,通知一下你们愿不愿去!
                                       废柴
                              我们还是结束吧,打成平手,小王子你赢了。你的上肢力量就跟个同性恋差不多。
                                        小王子
                              同性恋?我现在就干你!
小王子使尽全身的力气,很努力地!可惜始终动摇不了废柴半分!然后改用双手,结果还是一样!废柴很无奈地看着小王子,小王子最终也很无奈地接受了!
                                         小王子
                                        (显得是自己礼让的)
                              好吧,打成平手!
                                              小辣椒
                              贱人,你去不?
                                              废柴
                              他对酒精过敏,更对美女过敏,酒吧,就是他的人生禁区!
                                                 小辣椒
                             好吧,喝橙汁呢?
                                                 废柴
                              橙汁也会让他胡思乱想!除非在橙汁里加个红辣椒中和一下!
                                                  贱人
                              可以不提喝酒了!你怎么会想到叫上我们一起去酒吧的呢?
                                                  小辣椒
                              可以省上几十块车费嘛!你不是买了一部桑塔纳吗?
                                             
                                                 贱人
                               我买车,我爸妈都不知,你从何处得知?
                                                  小辣椒
                                  微博!     
                                                 游戏王子
                                  喔,是废柴前天发的,他说他用一台桑塔纳成功地拦下一台兰博基尼,让它毫无脾气!说是小米加步枪打下了飞机的经典再现,现在整个学校都知道了。
                                                   贱人
                                  是吗?(贱人狠狠地盯着废柴)
                                                   废柴
                                   我可没有飙车啊,我只是验证一下国家的非对称战略战术是否可行,
其实也不没那么伟大,在单向车道慢慢开,后面刚好是台兰博基尼,没办法,让不了路给他而已!
         内景    酒吧    夜景
               混乱的场所,DJ,跳舞,喝酒!他们几个人找了一个僻静的地方坐下。小辣椒跟其她几个女的一进门就冲过去跳舞了。他们点了些酒!
                                                        废柴
                                       哥们,八点钟方向,有个灿烂的星系!
                                                        贱人
                                       嗯,也刚好三个,根据纳什的博弈泡妞理论呢,我锁定了A!
                                                        废柴
                                        我火控雷达锁定了B! 小王子,你是不是喜欢高高瘦瘦,身材好,样美貌靓,时而温柔时而不正经、还爱你爱得死去活来的女人啊。                                                                           
小王子
(猛着点头)
                                       嗯嗯。    
                                                           废柴
                                    活该你单身!爱是一种遇见,不能等待,也不能准备。
                                                           贱人
                                                       (眼神游离在美女的身上)
                                       我想应该有C杯,C杯的女人最美了。
                                                           废柴
                                       不用想了,她只是在B与C之间,你却在A与C之间,傻B!
                                                           贱人
                                                           (还是死死地盯住美女们)
                  由质点运动学和牛顿运动定律,外加胡克定律的弹簧的劲度系数可得知,的的确确是C!Perfect!(然后做出摩拳擦掌状)
                                                            废柴
                                    你之前不是在研究用函数怎么买菜,用牛顿定律怎么在海上航行,爱因斯坦的相对论加万用定律是否可以校正火箭的飞行轨迹的吗?
                                                            贱人
                                       哎,才气是一种累赘!生活中无处不用到嘛!
                                       用得其所,其乐融融!用得不好,(用眼角扫了一下呆坐的小王子)嘿嘿!     
两人拿着酒杯,动身前往美女的聚集地!
                                                           贱人
                                        嗨,美女!
美女们笑而不语。
                                                       

                                                           废柴
                                        搜喔尼CUT!(泰语:你好!)                                                                                     
                                                           美女A
                                        搜喔尼CUT!(男人声)
贱人与废柴大惊失色。
                                                           废柴
                                                        (机智地)     
                                        请问一下,厕所在哪?
美女们遥手一指,废柴就一溜烟地走开了。

内景    酒吧厕所    夜景
废柴狼狈地冲了进来,对着镜子喃喃自语。
                                        贱人
                                        什么世道啊,男人也可以美到这等倾城倾国。
这时,突然有个美女从厕所里面的小格子出来。女子大惊失色。
                                        女子
                                       (大喊)
                                        色狼!
废柴这时才醒悟,这原来是女厕所!又冲了出去。回到舞厅里。

内景    酒吧    夜景
废柴本想找废柴,小王子的,却无奈地看到,一个美女在勾搭着小王子,而贱人却在跟那些人妖聊得正欢。 废柴只好一个人独自饮酒。
                                         废柴
                                         (慨叹着)
                                        世人皆浊我独清,众人皆醉我独醒,高处不胜寒啊!

内景    寝室里    夜景
废柴一个人躺在床上,只见贱人醺醉醉地回来,还唱着《贵妃醉酒》,贱人把灯打开,然后死盯着废柴,废柴其实还没睡,废柴瞄了一眼贱人,大惊。只见贱人,色眼迷离地盯着自己,废柴双手把被单抓得紧紧的。贱人一边色咪咪地盯着废柴,一边解扣子。
                                                            废柴
                                                        (语气颤抖地)
                                            贱人,你想干嘛?
贱人坏坏地笑而不语。
                                                            废柴
                                             你不会是意犹未尽吧,你这死变态的,滚!
                                                            贱人
                                             哈哈,吓唬吓唬你而已!我只是根据佛洛依德式的泛心理学,看看你是不是同志而已。刚才我也被人这样测过了。
贱人站了起来,对着门口喊了一声。
                                                            贱人
                                             美女!
这时,两个美女走了进来。
                                                            贱人
                                                       (得意地对着废柴)
                                              够兄弟了吧我!?
                                                             废柴
                                                 我喜欢的是女人。。。而不是。。。
                                                             贱人
                                                 人家姑娘是读音乐的,学美声的,一两句男人语气的话就把你吓成这样子了。哈哈。。。

内景    寝室内    夜景
小王子地着电脑狂笑!废柴与贱人也在玩着电脑。
                                                                 小王子
                                                                (坐着能转的椅子转着)
                                                  哈哈哈!                         
                                                                 废柴
                                                  怎么了,傻了啊?
                                                                 贱人
                                                   你的剧本写好了?
                                                                 小王子
                                                   嗯,看来,这个月的房租又有着落了。
                                                                  贱人
                                                   发过来,给我瞧瞧。
                                                                  小王子
                                                      不行,我是个有职业道德的人,怎么可以在未经客户同意,私自给你看呢!?
                                                                     废柴
                                                       职业病就职业病嘛,还装什么职业道德?         
                                                                  贱人
                                                      任何一个伟大的天才,往往在另一个领域里就是个白痴!
                                                                  废柴
                                                      高水平的艺术,正常人是创作不出来的,得精神病才能创造出来!
                                                                小王子
                                                   混口饭吃而已!不过,我还是很珍惜你们的批评,因为不会有人闲到蛋疼来在乎我写的东西。
                                                                贱人
                                                      我就是闲到蛋疼!
贱人正在黑了小王子的电脑,打开了小王子所写的剧本。
                                                                贱人
                                                           (边看边骂)
                                                      水是有源的,树是有根的,你这剧本,怎么毫无保留把我们都写了上去。艺术的东西,是有所修饰的嘛,你。。。
                                                      生活不是电影,你怎么可以变卖我们的私生活作为你的素材?
                                                                  废柴
                                                      删了它!
镜头变为黑幕!          
                                                                           
画外音
没办法,贱人他删了,影片也因此受到了影响!不过,我们可以耐心等,幸福可以来得慢一些,只要它是真的!











                                                                                                   剧终
                                                                                              期待
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